After much humiliation and heartache, Vuyokazi Nciweni, star of the reality TV show Izingane Ze Sithembu, has finally chosen herself, and she couldn’t be happier. In an exclusive interview with DRUM Magazine, Vuyokazi reveals the emotional journey of leaving a relationship that made her feel unworthy and miserable.
The turning point came when Chef Xolani Sabelo, a man she describes as genuine and special, posted images on Instagram of a lavish proposal, complete with red roses, chocolate, cake, and a balloon that read, “Will you marry me?” This public declaration of affection caused a social media frenzy, as viewers of Izingane Ze Sithembu were aware of the rocky state of her relationship with Mpumelelo Mseleku, a polygamist who had announced plans to marry another woman.
Since her debut on the show, Vuyokazi had proudly referred to herself as Mam’Khulu (the first wife), but the strain in her relationship with Mpumelelo was evident. The final straw came when Mpumelelo, despite having two children with Vuyokazi, declared he would marry a virgin, dismissing her as a future partner.
“When I would watch the show, I would hear the kind of comments he would make about me, and that’s when I realized that there was no way I would want a future with him. He would tell the whole world that he does not see a future with me and all sorts of things,” Vuyokazi shares.
Their tumultuous relationship had many questioning why Vuyokazi would stay with someone who treated her poorly. Reflecting on her decision, she stresses the importance of choosing oneself. “There is no way it is going to be fixed. LEAVE. As women, we tend to make excuses for men, thinking maybe he is going through a phase, maybe he will grow up, but sometimes we are just causing a delay and we hope that the change will come.”
Vuyokazi’s message is clear: Choose yourself. “You will find yourself in a relationship where a man doesn’t value you and undermines you and makes you miserable. You will find yourself in therapy for something you can solve yourself. It is painful, but leave. In my situation, I healed in the relationship. I forgave myself before I did it. Stay in it until you are fed up. I have forgiven myself for putting up with all of that.”
Since making her decision, Vuyokazi has received an outpouring of support from women in similar situations. Many have shared how inspired they are to leave relationships that no longer serve them, and others have opened up about their struggles. “It makes me feel happy because I was able to help women who are stuck in relationships. Other women say they are in those unloving and toxic relationships because of their children.”
Reading these messages has been an emotional experience for Vuyokazi. “I would even cry while reading these messages; I wouldn’t know how to respond. I am not the first to go through that, being a single parent. I am okay.”
