“I Have to Put Them First, I Have to Protect Them” – Annie Mthembu on Choosing Her Children and Herself

South Africans first got to know Annie Mthembu as one of the cast members of the hit reality show The Real Housewives of Durban (RHOD). Away from the spotlight, the mom of two has been building her businesses, raising her children, and learning to heal after a life-changing separation.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by TRUELOVE Magazine (@truelovemagazine)

In a heartfelt conversation with TRUELOVE, Annie revealed why she chose to step away from media attention for a while and focus on herself.

“The reason I chose silence for this period of time, I didn’t engage in any media really or do too much, is because I just needed to understand where I was first. Plan my life, understand what my next steps are and then also heal. I really needed to double down on my mental health and my mental fitness, especially being a mom and that you have to be mentally present and available and sound-minded,” she shared.

It has been three years since Annie and her ex-husband, Kgolo Mthembu, separated. While she admits there wasn’t one specific incident that led to the decision, it was the repeated build-up of difficult moments that made her realize she needed to protect her children and prioritize her own mental health.

“When you find yourself in a very toxic environment, I think one of the first things we try to do is we try to change it or we hope for change and we hope for better. So, you kind of sit in it for a little bit and you’re like, ‘Okay, maybe it will get better.’ But then if it continues too long, I think that you start realizing, ‘Okay, now I have to deal with the actual issue, I have to do something about it.’”

Her biggest concern was the effect the situation at home could have on her children. “I think just when I realized that my kids at some point would also be affected by the situation in my home, I really had to say to myself, ‘Okay, I have to put them first, I have to protect them, I have to make a plan to ensure that they grow up in the right environment.’ Because what was happening in our home at the time was not a good environment for kids.”

Since the separation, Annie has seen remarkable changes in both herself and her children. Her daughter, now six, and son, now five, have become happier and freer. “They are much happier, they’re much [more] free. I think because they were so young, they were very reliant on the parental care. They were babies and now they’re obviously more independent. But I can see from their mental attitudes that they are more carefree.”

Reflecting on her journey, Annie wishes she had learned the value of self-worth earlier. “She really needed to learn a lot of self-worth. I think that she invested a lot into her relationship… I think during that time, I also should have been working on myself, making more connections, more networks for myself and really just coming out of that girlhood. Because I started dating him when I was 24 so I was still quite young and I think that by the time I had experienced the breakdown in my marriage, I only grew up after. So, ja, I think she just needed to, as I always say, have more vibes for herself,” she laughed.

Faith has been her guiding light through it all. “I always knew God has my back. God is going to make sure for me. I just need to continue to put my head down to pray, to just find the light or whatever. And I think one of the things about God is that He loves obedience. And I had to be obedient, even through my struggle, if that makes sense.”