I have no feelings anymore.

It “feels” like there’s nothing in my mind or my heart anymore, like everything just to shut off all the sudden. I used to be very happy, have so much love for people and family, had an amazing relationship with my boyfriend and was even about to go on a mission trip to Nepal for 6 weeks in the summer. but now it’s like everything just went away over night. for an example, there will be something funny on tv, or my friends will say something really funny and usually I’d lmao but now i just kinda have to fake a laugh. The only time it gets a little better is when I talk to my boyfriend, whom I love soo much, but its like i dont feel it, i know its all there but I feel like im just so incapable of feeling happiness or love. now dont get me wrong, Im not depressed, im not sad, i dont feel anything, but I was depressed for about a year and a half with really bad anxiety problems for about 3 years. last week (when my feelings vanished) I kept trying to fight for my feelings back and kept stressing myself out about it every day, cried for hours too, but after doing a little research I found on a website it said that my body simply just needs a break from all of it, so it kinda just shut off, and that i need to stop trying to fight for it, and just let it be and let my body take its course. Sometimes, it’s good for you to take a break and to have a bit of time for yourself, as we all need to do this at times. Holding in these emotions won’t do anyone any good, especially yourself, so learning how to deal with it is the only way forward. My friend felt a similar way to me just a few months ago. She started to feel depressed and didn’t like the way it made her feel, so she wanted to do something about it. Someone told her about an alternative medication, such as magic mushrooms, and what is the best way to microdose mushrooms, to help her feel focused and full of energy. In some cases, it can help to take the depression away altogether. And it seemed to be really effective for her, so this made me happy. But for me, I’m allowing my body to take its course on its own. So I’ve been doing that…its helped but Im so tired of this, I just want to go back to having all that love and happiness with my boyfriend and my excitement to go to Nepal, since it has been my dream since i was rly young, I dont want to fake anything anymore All I know is he is the best thing that has ever happen to me and I dont want to lose him for anything, he stood by me during my depression times and really helped me a lot, hes loved me all through this, I cant lose him please share your opinions, thoughts or advice, Id really appreciate it, thank you.